Ten Top Autobiographical Steps From Saying “No” To Saying “Yes…”
Learning to say “no” appropriately is quite an initiation, often termed “having healthy boundaries.” How healthy are those “boundaries?” Defined as something that delineates a border or a limit, boundaries imply that you are on this side, while I am on the other. They are viewed as a protection. Yet, as long as I perceive a need for protection, am I not projecting attack? It reminds me of this man having constructed a barricade around his garden, to protect his carrots from being eaten by a sneaky rabbit, to only discover that he had enclosed the rabbit in his new designed fortress! What would it be like to live without boundaries, or sneaky eating rabbit inside me? The following are ten autobiographical steps to say “yes” and “no” authentically. Feel free to travel these steps with me: my story may just be your story!
1. I don’t say “no” when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid she won’t like me, if I say “no” to her. I divide people between losers and winners. Adopting such perspective will inevitably make me concerned that I may lose something, be lost, and/or be viewed as a loser… That is the ultimate rejection, which is my greatest fear! I’d much rather please Aunt Adele and compromise, just to convince her that I am on her side, a winner. Anything not to be rejected!
2. I don’t say “no” when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid I will end up unloved and all alone. I have to be a team player to be safe. Acceptation by my pears, reputation is what is foremost to me. My core belief is that it’s a jungle out there, and, that I would die if I were alone. Furthermore, I have the thought that my needs won’t be met unless I surround myself with people who are obligated to me. So I say “yes” to you, with the tacit agreement that, one day, you will say “yes” to me. Now we owe each other: Anything not to be alone!
3. I don’t say “no” when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid to challenge the status quo. I can’t say “no” to his demand. I don’t want to make waves. Good people don’t make waves. Good people don’t make noises. They don’t cause “trouble.” They just follow the trend, and then the next trend. Conditioning is good; it gives you a feeling of safety, of knowing where you are. Then you don’t have to make a decision, it is all decided for you! I don’t want to be disappointed, nor do I want to disappoint Grandma Julie. Traditions are good. Anything not to change.
4. I don’t say “no” when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid to speak my truth, and sing my song: If I start showing up, rather to be a yes man, or a no woman, which are ultimately the two sides of the same coin, then I will be looked as an heretic, an original, a loony, a rebel… I will have to leave the nest, and take on a larger domain of operation. That is way too much work! I much rather hide my truth, be a good girl, stuff my throat, thwart my expression, and do as Mommy wants, even if it kills me. Anything not to be responsible.
5. I don’t say “no” when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid of how truth will change my life. I’d rather not inquire on who is speaking, who is running the show, is it the small I or the Big I, is it the ego or the heart? If I were to say “no” to her, she would be in pain, and it would be my entire fault! If I were to say “no” to him, he will be hurt for the rest of his life. If I say “no” to them, they won’t have any other opportunity ever. It’s dark in there, in those negative scripts. It’s dark and it’s cold… Anything not to Turn on the Light!
6. On the other hand, I dare say “yes” when...
I come back inside me, in my
heart. When I find sweetness there and a home, a nurturing and endless source of unconditional acceptance. When that harmony reflects on my world, which can no longer appear as hostile and inhospitable to me. When I understand how profound it is to no longer perceive that truth is unkind, and choose to speak that truth kindly… I Am Intelligence.
7. I dare say “yes” when...
I accept that life is an evolutionary spiral, and that I learn in stages. When I am willing to see the benefits I have derived from my conditioning, and let it be as that; a good story that served me well all those years! When I take on the challenge to be an individual, that blossoms of his or her own unique fragrance, and fully create the mastery of being needed just as I am, in my full uniqueness. I Am Forgiveness.
8. I dare say “yes” when...
I look at life as an adventure, a rich and exciting current that may take me right or left. I have surrendered controlling it. And that is delicious, as my only knowing is that it will be good, it will be fun, and it will be beautiful. I am traveling a labyrinth; there, some doors open, some don’t. I don’t take the not opening (the “no”) personally, I don’t assume or expect it either. I have reversed “no” to “on”, turned “on” the “no.” I am electric and on, I am travel and light. I travel light. I Am Adventure.
9. I dare say “yes” when...
I see that, if I am true to my heart in canceling my plans with Arthur next week, even if it is at the last minute, Arthur will find himself using the time of our meeting in ways that further his growth. Somehow, a great opportunity will present itself to where he will see the harmony of this shift. In a loving universe, there are only winners. When I help myself, I help everyone. Even if Arthur chooses to be mad as hell because I cancelled at the last minute, that experience will bring him one step closer to recognizing he is the chooser of his experiences… I Am Trust
10. I dare say “yes” when...
I choose peace, even if it means saying “no” to helping my best friend move, “no” to my son who wants to borrow my car, “no” to a macadamia double chocolate chip cookie… Acting with the consequence of my actions in mind, I choose peace. The best fight of all is when I don’t have to fight anymore. When I am neither acquiescent nor rebellious. When I live so deeply in my heart, that I only obey its commands. I only have “yeses” for the Self. More than a reply, it is a response, and a sacred vow, which says yes to life, yes to laughter, yes to lightness. Ultimately YES to Love.
This piece was originally submitted by Mahalene Louis, Inspiration Anchor, Artist, Author, and Speaker, who can be reached at mailto:mahalene@soulvision.com, via phone 512.632.8952 or visited on the web at http://www.soulvision.com. Mahalene Louis wants you to know: As an Inspiration Anchor, I offer an engaging
e-zine, free teleclasses and Turn on the Light!, a unique program to assist the creative genius in you to express and market your gifts successfully. Turn on the Light! inspires you to show up as a stunning masterpiece of unbridled passion and creativity, and to evolve consciousness by acting in alignment with the powerful force you are.
About the Author
Mahalene, a native of France, began her career as a journalist and teacher in Europe. She spent her first twenty years in the US as a self-supporting artist while soon consulting with people on self-empowerment. As she is in all accounts a “true artist,” one of her greatest gifts as an inspiration anchor is to offer “a new way to look at it,” which is greatly instrumental to increase chances of success, prosperity, and happiness.
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